Relationship Gain or Strain?
The meaning of the word relationship varies from ambiguous to definitive. For example, someone might say, I have a relationship with my recliner, indicating that it is most likely where they take their nap! Or, my dog or cat and I have this understanding with each other, denoting a relationship where one can understand the language of the other. We love our pets.
Yet, relationships with other people can be the most rewarding and the most hurtful. I know that is true, not just because I have experienced it, but I read about it in God’s Word. I also read in the Bible that God made us for relationships, but like parenting, which does not come with a ‘how to’ manual, most of us navigate our way through while making plenty of mistakes along the way.
Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend wrote a book called “Safe People,” where they outline how to know if a potential relationship meets the healthy meter. The book helps you discover why good people get involved in bad relationships, how to avoid repeating relational mistakes, and how to pick safe and healthy people as friends. Too many of us have invested in relationships that have gone wrong.
God’s intentions are good, healthy relationships, and it must start with us first. That’s right, before we start looking, let’s look inside and decide if we are the person whom others can build healthy relationships with. That sounds easy enough, right? So, where do we start? Let’s look at some spiritually practical steps.
Practical steps based in spiritual truths:
Develop an intimate relationship with God through Jesus. He desires to be your best friend. Besides to know Jesus is to know God. How do we do this? There is no formula, but the ingredients contain prayer, Bible reading, fellowship with other followers of Jesus, and praise and worship. All of this gets us out of our soul, takes the focus off of our body, and grows our spirit, which is who we are.
As we look inward and allow the Holy Spirit to change things in us that are not safe or healthy or whole, we grow and become more like Jesus. Letting go of things or people that have attached themselves to us over the years not only makes us better but also makes us a better friend. The Apostle Paul, in several of the Epistles, instructs believers to put off carnality (sin) and put on Christ (spiritual garments).
As believers, we have the Holy Spirit to help us discern good from evil, right from wrong, and left from right. I found that the biggest problem in making wrong choices is the patience to wait for the right choice. Now, not always, but if we are asking the Holy Spirit to guide us, then we must let Him. Do you have the experience that I have? He is rarely in a hurry. We think we need it now, or at least tomorrow. And we wait for an answer. No answer, so we decide to move. This is our carnal nature working to outwork God, and it never yields good results.
If I could leave you with anything today about relationships that bring gain instead of strain, it would be this prayer in John 15:1-11- I Am the True Vine
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3 Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. 4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not abide in me, he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. 7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. 9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. 10 If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. 11 These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.
Until next time, do a spiritual check-up on your relationship. Get God involved and listen to His Holy Spirit as He desires to guide you and I so that our joy may be made full.
The heart of the matter really is the matter of the heart.
Dr. Michele Morgan
August 3, 2025
